And The New Year is Here!

I don't know about you, but it seems so weird that 2013 is already upon us. Usually, the year takes so long to get by; but this year was so fast, it isn't possible. 2012 brought a lot of changes to my life, mostly for the good. I know that my relationship with God was strengthened significantly, and for that I am very thankful.


The first part of the year was very slow. Things went as usual, doing schoolwork and chores. Snow stayed at my house for a very long time and it was very cold. But May brought the arrival of my little baby brother, Babycakes: also known as Cheekers, Cheek-a-weeks, Cakers, and Baby, but let's keep going. :D

It was so amazing to have a little one around the house again. My family thought we could no longer have any children, but God blessed us and gave us Babycakes. Before Babycakes, my littlest sibling was 5, and I could not remember anything about when he was a baby. So, now that I’m 14, I can learn a lot and be a better help to my mother. Babycakes made the year go just a little bit faster.

And then in July we went to Tahoe Family Encampment, an amazing family retreat in Lake Tahoe, CA. It is sooooo much fun listening to all the encouraging lessons 4 times every day, making new friends and seeing old ones, camping out with family, and all the wonderful spiritual growth that this retreat helps generate. I always leave my heart there! It is one of the most fun and encouraging places I have ever been to.

I turned 14 in August. Two years away from 16! I will be able to drive then. I remember when I was 12 I told my father that I would save all my money to buy a car when I turned 16. Well, let's just say I didn't make any money, and the money I was given I spent. That is a fault of mine I am trying to quench. :o) I just didn't realize that I was so close!

In September, I became a homeschooled High-Schooler. I was a freshman! I remember someone at Tahoe telling me they couldn't wait to graduate, and I was thinking: "Boy, I can't wait to begin!" Then it started. I am a math-hater.... I despise any kind of math, and math got harder. :o) I have a hard time being focused on anything, so being super focused on schoolwork and graduating was a little intimidating. When I got 2 months behind in math, I realized my mistake and began to work harder. Right now, I am still catching up to my laziness. Through this mistake, I realized how slothful I was and began to work harder against it. I still fail often, but it gets a little easier every day.  IT IS POSSIBLE TO CHANGE!

September was my month of laziness, and it got worse as the month went on.
I was in a musical! I was soooo excited, because I love singing and acting is one of my favorite things to do. I was only an extra, and I was a little disappointed, but, hey, I was in a play, right? The first rehearsal, I wore my long skirt. When we were sitting cross-legged for the dance, I realized I had to wear pants. Being a super people person, I really wanted to blend in like I never had before. The high-school this play was sponsored by seemed really exciting. All the kids were really nice to me and I really liked them, even though they were a bit immodest. But my personality is one that wants to be part of the crowd. So, slowly but surely, I began to worry about myself and my clothes. Was this in style? Was it too old-fashioned? I always wore my hair long and straight, although I loved doing my hair. It wasn't a priority to me initially, but I began to worry about it. Was it up in the latest style? Was it super pretty, curly one day, straight the next, braided, then up in a ponytail, then a bun? No....I wasn't blending in!

Then I met a certain young man we’ll call 'James'. He was about a year or two older than me, and was from the high school. I was standing in the hallway waiting for my part to come on during rehearsals when he walked by. He stopped and started talking to me. He seemed really nice. He was an extra too, so I tried to be cordial and talk about our parts in the play. All of a sudden, he asked me nonchalantly if I was hungry. I said yes, so he told me there was food in the other hallway, right through the doors were everybody else was. I was right next to the door, and everybody else was standing there, and I would be lying if I told him I wasn't that hungry after I said I was. So I nodded. Once he handed me the snack, I disappeared into the crowd back to my spot by the door. My friend whispered to me: "He must like you!" I only shrugged. "You can never tell with boys," I thought, "He isn't a Christian and I don't know him, so he is not a possibility even for an instant."

Once he had found me in the midst of the crowd, he started talking to me more. When my part came and he saw I had to go, he said goodbye and spread out his arms as if to hug me, but in a kinda restrained sort of way, so it looked like he was shrugging. I knew he was trying to hug me, but I took advantage of his awkwardness and shrugged back. I quickly made my way out onto stage, feeling very awkward.

When I told my parents, they told me to give out our 'church cards' inviting people to church, and said he will either come to church, or run for the hills. :o) So I decided to do that.

But every time I found him, he was either on stage, or simply passing by me. When he finally stopped me, my card was missing. I was really upset. And again, when he tried to hug me, I shrugged and disappeared.

And then when the performance came, and I did my hair in a crazy wild fashion according to my part, he complemented me in a way that would have made my future husband extremely upset! I was so shocked I went speechless for a few minutes afterward. When I told my parents, they were speechless too, and my father was just as upset as my future husband would have been.

How glad I am to have a father like I do!

Yet in my stupid, foolish pride, I felt good about myself. Someone thought I was attractive! Not in a good way, though....

But it affected my walk with God. I felt the worldly 'good' about myself. But deep in my heart of hearts, I felt really guilty and sinful. I felt like I had blended in well enough, still keeping my 'Christian' name.

When the performance was over, my 'teenager attitude' carried with me through the next week or so. And that is when my mother confronted me. If she hadn't, I am not sure where I would be in my attitude today. She told me plainly that I was going the wrong way and that she worried about me. My laziness was getting out of hand and I was talking back to authority. I wasn't reading my Bible and I had a pout on my face while doing any kind of work. My priorities were in the wrong place. At first I was stiff-necked and I didn't look in her eyes. I was angry inside that I was convicted. But something within me told me she was right and that I should listen and obey her. I slowly melted and poured out my heart to her and told her all my problems. At first it was hard to understand exactly what I was feeling, but when I finally got it out, I felt so much better. If you ever happen to be in the same situation, PLEASE bend. The conviction stings at first, but when you do what you need to do, you will grow in your spiritual walk!

At the end of this, she asked me to read my Bible and pray. After I did so, she began to pray with me.

The next few months after this were the most amazing in my walk with Christ. I always think of Hebrews 12:11: All discipline for the moment seems not to be joyful, but sorrowful; yet to those who have been trained by it, afterwards it yields the peaceful fruit of righteousness. After the initial hurt, I began to
grow. I have been so passionate for the Lord like I have never felt before. I love Him with all my heart and I don't know what I would do without Him, and I can say that without a doubt.

After my math and musical epidemic, I began to look at myself and my works. Was I being fruitful in God's kingdom? Was I pressing towards the goal?

You will never be the same when you start growing. Believe me, there will be days where you fall down and take 3 steps forward, and 2 steps back, but you have to keep fighting! So keep fighting throughout this year!

2012 was a good year.... I only hope 2013 will be better!

By the way, I am sorry you had to read all this rambling. This was a very painful post for me to share with you...I just hope that you will be encouraged! :D

I love you all, ladies. Have a blessed day.

~Alyssa <3